BEST DIVORCE LETTER

Dear Wife - [BEST DIVORCE LETTER]

Dear Wife,

I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I am leaving you forever. I’ve been a good man to you for 7 years and I have nothing to show for it. The last 2 weeks have been hell…
Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today and that was the last I could take. Last week, you came home and didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, I‘d cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t even want sex or anything that connects us as husband and wife. You’re either cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone.

Your Ex-Husband

PS: Don’t try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving away to the Coast together! Have a great life!

<<-RESPONSE from wife->>

Dear Ex-Husband,

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s true you and I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and grumbling… Too bad that doesn’t work. I DID notice when you got a haircut last week, but the first thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’ Since my mother raised me not to say anything if I can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the 2’999/= price tag was still on them, and I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed 3000bob from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved you and felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million shillings, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to a beach holiday. But when I got home you were gone... Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted, and I wish you well. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me.
So take care.

Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!

PS: I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem.

*Carl means man, or one who is strong.